I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
