I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
