I have demons in me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i now understand why vodka
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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