you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
