chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
