dude i'm inner monologue high
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
