I wish I only lived at night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
