I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
