I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
