It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
