...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
