Banned from zoo.
Again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
