After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
