New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
