Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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