There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
