Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
