I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
