he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
