I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
