mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
