Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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