That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
