I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Green mimosas i think yes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
