bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
