Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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