I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
