she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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