Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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