There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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