got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
