At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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