i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
