I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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