I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
