Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
