there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
