Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
