I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize