My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
