I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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