I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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