these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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