Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
