C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
