I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
