It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
