I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
