I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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