Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
