Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
