you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Couch. On fire.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
