where am i from again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
