Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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