I am puke
My liver just broke up with me...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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