i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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