He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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