Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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