This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
3 2 1 whiskey
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
