Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
