D3 body, D1 cock
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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