Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
