Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
