Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
