Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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