You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
