How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
