it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
