if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
