Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You are a genius and a whore.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
