i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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