rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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