I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
