It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
