some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
