so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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