I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize