i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
