my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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