So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize