You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
