Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i think i just lost a toe
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
