he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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