Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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