It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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